Female Users of Virtual Worlds Get Bodyshamed About As Much As They Do Offline (Comment of the Week)

Great rant from reader “Nadeja”, leaping off from my interview in CNN about prejudice against non-attractive human avatars — specifically, on how it impacts female users in virtual worlds:

Sadly, it’s true.

Also it’s more than just being fat or slim.

I had messages from guys commenting on the physical appearance of my avatar (i.e. various body parts) and my outfits too, grumpily and selfishly comparing that with their own personal tastes, [as] if the only purpose of women’s avatars (and I suspect also the purpose of women in real life) were to please them.

That “no fat chicks” sign, too, was indeed targeting women: nobody cared if guys were fat or slim. I don’t mean that guys have no issues looks-wise (as [reader] Penny says, height for them), but there is a lot of pressure on women in terms of what they look like.

Although I usually receive compliments, my avatar has been bodyshamed for my thighs being “too fat”.

Someone else bodyshamed in a very paternalistic way my same avatar for being “too much skinny”.

Therefore, besides being selfish, is also foolish, because beauty standards are so subjective.

But it is worse than that.

If you make your avatar based on your real life appearance and you have little self-esteem already, that social pressure and comments don’t help and you may end up looking at yourself in the RL mirror, feeling insecure and wondering how much obese or anorexic you look, even though you are neither. When you are exposed to this in real life, some girl ends up actually anorexic. But even if it’s only a virtual world, it contributes, especially if your avatar is like yourself. Another drop, and another drop… So it’s also toxic and can have consequences.

Since it’s silly, you can ignore that, right? It’s not so simple.

Nadeja explains why, also addressing my point that the most popular metaverse platforms, Fortnite and Roblox, do not have realistic avatars, but cartoonish or LEGO-like ones (respectively): 

1. It shouldn’t be normalized and told (explicitly or implicitly) “it’s your problem if you are affected [by this very mean thing]”, “if you don’t like that, just move away”. That’s what the abusers usually tell, to have a free pass to continue to abuse, also to blame the victim.

#2. Everyone has a different sensitivity (or a bad day too). If you are desensitized, it doesn’t make it OK for kids to watch horror gore videos as you do, nor to tell those who have experienced trauma and PTSD “don’t be silly! Just shrug off the next abuse”. It’s not that simple and however it’s a fact that you can affect people with bodyshaming. If you behave in a mean way anyway, that only makes you a mean person, with no understanding and no empathy; not because of them. It’s your fault for not caring.

#3. The article is right. More you look like a realistic woman, more that happens. You are less bodyshamed if you are a tiny possum or giant blue snake woman, than a realistic woman (curvy or not and everything else dudes wants from women). There are also the exaggerated bits and the Uncanny Valley effect that triggers, but that’s not exactly what I’m talking about.

#4. You are interacting with other people, not watching TV. Virtual, fantasy, sure. Still SL isn’t like watching TV. Whether it’s bodyshaming or any other toxic behavior, muting and teleporting away may work when it’s just you and a random dude encountered in a random place that you don’t care of. If you are in a group and in a social place that you like and you want to keep doing the activities you enjoy there (let alone if you are the hostess etc.), you have to deal with more complex social and group dynamics. If people around you are generally supportive, the situation would improve, else eventually you would give up and leave. It is not so automatic and simple.

And if that happens often – and for women in SL it’s pretty common to deal with guys hitting on you, at first pretending to be nice, but caring only for your (virtual) body — that has to be in a certain way to please them, even when they themselves look just like newbies, let alone showing up naked where you less expect that, but noob-with-a-super-detailed-and-expensive-bit – eventually it’s not so awesome on the long run.

Would SL be better with LEGO-like or cartoonish avatars? Maybe. I myself sometimes think of using a tiny avatar etc. It feels more relaxed. Guys expect, judge and wants less from me. On the other hand I feel it like not wearing miniskirts for fear of being rape.

I.E., why should women feel pressured not to dress a certain way when it’s the toxic harassers (or worse) who should change?

I keep thinking about how much the platform developer can change all this, if they really wanted to. It’s not enough to just say, “Well clearly customers on our platform want realistic, traditionally attractive female avatars, so we can’t stop them.”

But every virtual world platform imposes limits to avatar appearance and customization in various ways at the start. You can’t create giant-sized avatars by default in Second Life, for example, because the system couldn’t handle them, and it would drastically impact the experience for everyone else. So why make it easy for users who want to bring their real life social biases (unconscious or otherwise) into the virtual world?