Apocalypse Coming for Crypto but Bulls Coming Within 3 Years and 20 Crypto Jokes

The first cryptoweek of 2023 is behind us. Let’s see how the year began.

The ‘Brazilian Nostradamus’ forecasted a catastrophic end for the world of crypto, Erik Voorhees said that the macro environment needs to improve before the next bull run can begin – likely by 2026, crypto payments company Wyre is reportedly shutting down due to the market downturn, Grayscale Ethereum Trust discount reached a record 60% and its Bitcoin Trust stood at 45%, Silvergate cut its staff by 40% or 200 employees, and Genesis Global Trading told clients they need more time to resolve the financial crisis plaguing its lending business. Also, Binance was close to sealing a deal to buy a majority stake in the Gopax exchange.

As that was happening, a report claimed that Sam Bankman Fried’s empire began to crumble long before the crypto crash, and then Bankman-Fried pleaded not guilty in court. Meanwhile, a branch of the Seoul Central District Court acquitted the former head of Bithumb Lee Jung-hoon on fraud charges, and Coinbase agreed to pay $100m to settle a complaint relating to “certain historical shortcomings” in its regulatory compliance work. Christian Seifert, an expert in cybersecurity, said that end users in the cryptocurrency space are facing numerous attacks that often go unreported, Core Bitcoin developer Luke Dashjr lost almost his entire BTC stash after his PGP key was compromised just before the new year, RTFKT COO Nikhil Gopalani fell victim to a ‘clever’ phishing scheme that drained almost $200,000 worth of NFTs from his wallet, and Magic Eden said it would refund all users affected by an exploit that involved the sale of fake NFTs.

Meanwhile, Indonesia said it planned to launch a crypto exchange in 2023, the number of crypto ATM machines in Australia hit new highs in just four months, major Ukrainian pharmacy chain ANC Pharmacy partnered with Binance to enable crypto payments via Binance Pay, Ukraine’s economic intelligence unit unearthed an illegal crypto exchange with a “turnover of hundreds of millions of hryvnias”, the Russian Finance Minister said his department wanted to green-light the use of crypto as a payment tool in international trade, India’s crypto industry was ’crippled’ under the country’s controversial tax laws in 2022, and Italy’s parliament approved a proposal for a 26% tax on crypto gains above $2,110.

Joke time!

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Morning, CT, what’s up?

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A new year started, holidays are over, back to work everybody. 

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Pft, always ready.

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Should talk about them priorities.

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Getting used to seeing it…

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Inside (prison) trading. 

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Let’s check what’s happening in the FTX case.

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Curse you! Curse you to the deepest depths of hell, FTX!

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This too shall end. Eventually.

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Puuuump iiiiit!!

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Looking forward to this one.

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Well done, very stable.

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Meanwhile, in the world of people looking to do some crypto regulating:

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Brilliant!

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…How?

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Reasonable, well-thought-out spending strategy.

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Guys, let’s not bully– I mean, beary!

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A few minutes in the life of a day trader.

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You can do it, people, hodl tight!

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Real footage of a bull train arriving.